This paper reveals the major way that a child aggrandizes and secretly marries a parent with primary energy. In adulthood this results in a person being bound, psychologically speaking, to a parent rather than to personal choices. The O/E Paradigm, rightly understood, reveals why intimacy is rare and marital problems are many.
Outline:
I. Primary Paradigm
A. Observation of opposite sex parent's pain
B. Observation of opposite sex parent's wish
C. Turning against same sex parent
D. Child's wish
E. The psychological marriage
F. The mind-reading component
G. The cause-effect component
H. The life-binding contract
I. The taboo element
J. The jealousy component
II. Definitions
III. Other Oedipal/Electra situations
IV. Conclusions for freedom: Unrequited love or ...
I. The primary paradigm of this syndrome has the boy attaching specially to his mom (little Oedipus) and the girl attaching specially to her dad (little Electra). Our example will be of Melvin and Myrtle.
A. Opposite sex parent's pain. During a parental argument, Melvin saw that his mother was pained by his dad's messiness; Myrtle say that her dad hated her mother's lack of adventure.
B. Observation of opposite sex parent's wish. Melvin decided to become neat, clean, and perfect. Myrtle decided to be super exploratory.
C. Turning against the same sex parent. Melvin ceased relating, friendly like, to his jerk of a father. Myrtle got away from her mom by going outside and being adventurous - much to the delight of her dad.
D. The child's wish. Melvin thinks that women will love him for his perfection; Myrtle thinks that men love risky, adventurous women.
E. The psychological marriage. Melvin shows his mom his various perfect creations and receives praise; Myrtle and her dad go to sports events together.
F. The mind-reading component. Melvin thinks that mom knows, underneath, that he has forsaken all and married her; Myrtle thinks dad understands what she is doing with the outdoors life.
G. The cause-effect component. Melvin thinks his perfect life will make mom happy; Myrtle sees her dad glow when she does some athletic deed and thinks her life makes him happy.
H. The life-binding contract. Day after day, Melvin gets mom to smile until he knows his mission in life: being perfect for women. Myrtle's dad is delighted so she begins a life of pleasing men. Strokes come by being perfect or by being adventurous: that is plain to each child.
I. The taboo element. No one is to know of the devotion of Melvin and Myrtle so they keep their psychological marriage secret.
J. The jealousy component. If mom and dad get divorced and re-married, Melvin and Myrtle hate the step parent because of the loss of primary love energy that had been cast in their direction.
II. Definitions:
Oedipal refers to the Oedipus stories of Sophocles. Freud took the three plays and used them as his metaphor of child-parent love.
Electra refers to a greek play that shows a daughter's devotion
to her father. Thus, the term provides a metaphorical backdrop.
Paradigm simply means a precise sequence, a cogent way to show the structure of a given procedure.
III. Other Oedipal/Electra Situations
Children think in terms of either/or's. They choose one parent as hero; the other as goat. A child can become a scapegoat, a rebel, a lover or priest to satisfy what mom or dad wanted, yelled about, and presupposed the child into being. A therapist asks about a person's parents and quickly sees where the original devotion happened to be.
IV. Conclusions for freedom:
Unrequited love or ...
What do you think happens when Melvin and Myrtle get married? Well, Mel tries to be perfect for his wife and Myrtle tries to be exploratory for her husband. What neither knows is that there has been no survey about what the present spouse wants! Rather, Mel and Myrtle continue what worked for them as kids.
When neither the perfectionism of Mel nor the adventurousness of Myrtle works, they go into a state of unrequited love - stuff that the literature of the world is replete with - and spend their time in yearning for someone else. They have no idea that the goal of the yearning is actually for a mom or a dad who loved their adaptations. in process
In terms of private identity the Oedipal/Electra stuff continues as Melvin precisely does his accounting work day after day, builds the perfect house with the perfect furniture, and spends his moments doing perfect things. Myrtle works at a zoo taming animals and never knows the quiet peacefulness of listening to music because she is always on the go.
Neither Melvin nor Myrtle do the SASHET Feeling work to realize that their motivation is always triggered by a split second of scare. In other words, their adaptation controls their lives. They seldom experience The Fluid Life